


Lonely Hearts

by Fictropes



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Epistolary, M/M, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:08:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27646598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fictropes/pseuds/Fictropes
Summary: I will not say you were crying on the tube (out of politeness)
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 28
Kudos: 91





	Lonely Hearts

**Author's Note:**

> ekkkkk i am just messing around with some fun formats! (if you struggle to read formats like this press hide creators style at the top and it'll revert to normal! you will get VERY BIG moose photos tho looool)

#  LND Daily 

### LONELY HEARTS 

  
By Lonely Hearts Moose  
Specialist Cupid (Intern)  


  
  


Curly Dimples (Tube to.. ?) Hi, I promise i've never done this before. There was just something? about you. I don't know, I can't stop thinking about the whole thing. I'm also kinda scared I.. scared you. You definitely legged it off the tube like I was an axe-murderer, who'd just got his axe out of his bag. I promise i'm not! Which I know means nothing, cos I could be a lying axe-murderer.. but I also promise i'm not. Ugh. I could go around and around all day. I'm just trying to say i'm sorry if I frightened you, i've always been told my whole wide eyed stare can be a bit.. disconcerting, but, it was never like my intention. I think I was trying to convey you ok? with my eyeballs, but instead conveyed you're my next victim. Why is this in the lonely hearts column? I also like, really thought you were fit-or whatever. And you had a little rainbow pin on your collar and I kinda psyched myself up to say hey you ok but then you know.. legged it. I feel like it was the wrong stop, was it? I think I want to know that more than I want to know you phone-number (actually that's a lie). So yeah, if you by any chance ever see this.. if anything, let me know if I accidentally forced you to get off thirty stops before you wanted. You were on your phone a lot, and no one actually had a newspaper out at all.. so posting this to the online version AND print might up my chances? That Dude with the stare and the quiff. 

#  LND Daily 

### LONELY HEARTS 

  
By Lonely Hearts Moose  
Specialist Cupid (Intern)  


  
  


Hi, curls and dimples here. I just think you left out a really important point, and I think (?) you did it for a reason but who knows, actually. Look, I was literally openly weeping on te f***ing tube because i'd just lost my job, it's a whole thing. Thanks for leaving that part out, but I think if I fail to mention it then you won't really believe it's me? Idk, admitting to own shame makes this way more believable for some reason. To answer your question.. yes it was the wrong stop. I needed about 7 stops down, but a pretty guy was staring at me, you know? He was definitely about to come over and ask if I was ok, and for some reason that was just really humiliating to me. So instead of letting a hot guy talk me down, yeah, I bolted. Sue me. Was trying to keep ONE scrap of dignity. Didn't work, did it? Also, rainbow pin is cos i'm like super gay.. in case you were curious.. not just a vocal ally. I didn't think you were an axe murderer before now but honestly, kinda wondering. A friend linked me to this and told me it sounded like something I would do, which I don't know whether or not to be insulted by? Crying Man at baker street stop

#  LND Daily 

### LONELY HEARTS 

  
By Lonely Hearts Moose  
Specialist Cupid (Intern)  


  
  


Oh so you are a pretty curly dimpled gay. I'm glad to hear it wasn't my potential murder vibes that scared you away, but instead my beauty. Haha! Kidding.. unless. No, i'm kidding. You're the one with the face. I'm bad at this, out of practice, i'm trying to say your face is very nice. I told my friend about you and she said I sound like a stalker, but I haven't even tried to look you up online so HA. Not that I have much to go off, hello google will you please help me find the man? Which Man, google asks. The pretty one with the face. Idk why, but I think i'd be there at least fifty years till I found you, once i'd scrolled through all of the photos of all the Chris's. Not that they're better looking than you, at least.. I don't think. I promise i'm not usually this strong of a come-on type person, this whole anonymous thing is making me brave. I'd better sign off before I ask you to marry me. Also, sorry about your job :(. The guy who's glasses steamed up at one point

#  LND Daily 

### LONELY HEARTS 

  
By Lonely Hearts Moose  
Specialist Cupid (Intern)  


  
  


Tall man with sexy knees. I mean, it literally was. I was like shit he's too hot to know i'm a f**king wreck, i'll find him again on the street one day when i'm put together and wearing only the sluttiest of ripped jeans. Am I allowed to say that in a newspaper? Don't care, said it. I haven't seen you since, apart from here.. where i'm currently writing this whilst wearing joggers and a top with definite coffee stains. They are my three modes - mess, slut, proper state. If you'll take me at that, then i'll take you at axe-murderer (our vows when you propose to me next article). You're searching all wrong, you know. You've just got to search for ex-emo wannabe turned soft lad and you'll find me like four searches down. (don't search that, actually. Everything on the internet is proper porny). F**k off, Chris Pine's face is worth fifteen of my faces, but I appreciate you trying the whole flattery thing for this average man who likes to feel special. Would say your eyes could rival his, though. i've run out of names for myself. 

#  LND Daily 

### LONELY HEARTS 

  
By Lonely Hearts Moose  
Specialist Cupid (Intern)  


  
  


Husband, I'm not trying to flatter you! Have you seen you? You one of those beautiful modest people? Atrocious. I saw a squirrel today and I swear it was trying to get me to follow it, so naturally.. I did. Took me to two men kissing on a bench, which.. rude. Like look at what your life could be like! This is the last time I follow random animals. Was sort of hoping i'd find you on the other side of the tree, and we'd be an actual disney movie. I did search that, even though you told me not to, and you know there was actually some porn. I didnt' watch any of it, due to my aversion to watching men who look like me from 2010. Didn't know that was such a big category.. i'm go to shutup now before this newspaper slaps down some censorship. I think I like all three of your states, due to my states being just as worse. Kind of there, no coffee me angry, awake but not happy about it. Also I have a secret fourth state which is.. sugar for my silence. Guy who should've had more coffee before he sat down to write this. 

#  LND Daily 

### LONELY HEARTS 

  
By Lonely Hearts Moose  
Specialist Cupid (Intern)  


  
  


I don't even have a ring, cheapskate. I hate that you phrased that like that. Last time. Which means you've followed animals before, not just this f**king squirrel. If we go out on a date are you going to get lured away by a pigeon trying to send you to Tesco to try and buy them some bird seed? I'm a very jealous man, and i've never had to find out if that extends to wild animals.. but maybe now i'll find out. I hope those two men are happy, though, apparently they are if the squirrel wanted you to see. Stop talking about porn, I don't wanna know what you get up to when you're not thinking about me. Apparently all this newspaper needs to do is lure you away from your computer with some haribo, though, no censorship needed. Let's just distract the tall guy with this random sweet we found on the ground outside. Good trick to know, i'll always keep a couple cola bottles in my pocket for if I need you to behave. I still don't know, er, guy who is actually is getting f**cking censored by this paper 

#  LND Daily 

### LONELY HEARTS 

  
By Lonely Hearts Moose  
Specialist Cupid (Intern)  


  
  


Hey trouble. Did you know we have our own following? People are actually writing it to ask when our next stuff is going to be published, KINDA feel like we should be getting paid for this. Your new job should be writing a lonely hearts column but exclusively just writing to me. People said we should adopt the squirrel together so it can be around to see us kissing all the time, but I think that is like.. weird? I don't think I like that at all, is that kinda reverse-furry? I don't know, not thinking about it, you shouldn't either. I do have you actual name now, which is fun. I still can't find you on facebook, but maybe you don't have one cos you're not middle-aged. HOW did I get it? That's a mystery.. not to you, but to the readers. Hi readers. I have his name and you don't, nuh-nuh. It's a name that suits him, 10/10 good match. If you DO keep some cola bottles in your pocket then we may be past the stage of joking about marriage and actually there, just fyi. I'm like a goddamn sniffer dog. My mum used to try and hide away all the sweet stuff, but i'd always found it. One year as a rebellious drunken teen I ate her stash of christmas chocolate. Guy who's name you now also know.

#  LND Daily 

### LONELY HEARTS 

  
By Lonely Hearts Moose  
Specialist Cupid (Intern)  


  
  


Quiffy-idiot. I think they can put together that the newspaper editors gave you my name, and me yours. You didn't find it in a fortune cookie, but I appreciate you trying to keep the mystery alive. Just don't wanna insult our readers by suggesting they're stupid, sorry about him guys. His name also suits him, if you're wondering. I do still refer to him as stranger who saw me having a breakdown on the tube, though. I don't really want a squirrel watching us kiss all the time, feel like your fish would do that.. (more secret knowledge). Dunno if I want a whole audience of animals, you know? You found me elsewhere, in the end, which.. good enough. He DID slide into my dm's if you were wondering, which I suppose means is the end of these letters.. not much mystery if we both know each other now. Peace out, it's been fun. (yes we've been texting 24/7 all week guys).

#  LND Daily 

### LONELY HEARTS 

  
By Lonely Hearts Moose  
Specialist Cupid (Intern)  


  
  


YES. we're dating. whatever. enjoy this photo of us as a goodbye. petition to name this paper to LDN gayly in honour of us.

**Author's Note:**

> [if you wanna reblog on tumblr, I always appreciate it!](https://fictropes.tumblr.com/post/635336061660348416/lonely-hearts-complete-1827-i-will-not-say-you)
> 
> as alwaaays lemme knwo what u think ;_; especially cos i am interested about.. format thoughts lol ( i desperately wanted to split the paras but no matter what i did it just turned into one lol)
> 
> IKNOW the photo at the end doesn't show up as actually in the article but I can't get it to behave lol... so just PRETEND it's actually in there.. u get the idea :P


End file.
